Tuesday 12 April 2022

Today is Tuesday of Holy Week, the 12th of April.
The Dunedin Consort sings Erbarme dich from Bach’s St Matthew Passion.
Erbarme dich, mein Gott, um meiner Zähren willen! ‘Have mercy, my God, for the sake of my tears.’ As we take another step on our Holy Week pilgrimage, we will hear today of a moment when Jesus was ‘troubled in spirit’. As you prepare for prayer now, notice how you yourself are feeling in spirit… Prepare to place yourself into the scene with Jesus, as you listen to today’s music…
Erbarme dich, mein Gott,
Um meiner Zähren willen!
Schaue hier, Herz und Auge
Weint vor dir bitterlich.
Erbarme dich, mein Gott.
Have mercy, my God,
for the sake of my tears!
See here, before you
heart and eyes weep bitterly.
Have mercy, my God.


Today’s reading is from the Gospel of John.
John 13:21-30
After saying this Jesus was troubled in spirit, and declared, ‘Very truly, I tell you, one of you will betray me.’ The disciples looked at one another, uncertain of whom he was speaking. One of his disciples—the one whom Jesus loved—was reclining next to him; Simon Peter therefore motioned to him to ask Jesus of whom he was speaking. So while reclining next to Jesus, he asked him, ‘Lord, who is it?’ Jesus answered, ‘It is the one to whom I give this piece of bread when I have dipped it in the dish.’ So when he had dipped the piece of bread, he gave it to Judas son of Simon Iscariot. After he received the piece of bread, Satan entered into him. Jesus said to him, ‘Do quickly what you are going to do.’ Now no one at the table knew why he said this to him. Some thought that, because Judas had the common purse, Jesus was telling him, ‘Buy what we need for the festival’; or, that he should give something to the poor. So, after receiving the piece of bread, he immediately went out. And it was night.

Notice all the feelings conveyed in this drama of friendship betrayed: trouble of spirit, uncertainty, bewilderment. Night falls and everyone is engulfed in the darkness. Have you ever felt surrounded by inner or outer darkness? Jesus allows himself to enter this space of our deepest struggle. How does it feel to know that he enters this space with you?
Jesus seems to be master of this situation, but betrayal and the breakdown of relationship are deeply painful for anyone experiencing them. Imagine yourself as each of the three named characters: Jesus, Peter, Judas, or another disciple. What is happening in your mind and heart as this drama unfolds? Is there anything you want to say to any of them?

Listening again to the reading, become aware of your own feelings and how this resonates with your own experience
The Gospels rarely speak of Jesus’ feelings, but here they are exposed in their raw state. Perhaps you want to offer him companionship and reassurance, or perhaps you are as unsure and hesitant as his disciples. Whatever your feelings, see if you can speak to him with words that come from your heart. What does he say in return?

You have given all to me.
To you, Lord, I return it.
Everything is yours; do with it what you will.
Give me only your love and your grace,
that is enough for me.